Living in Fear

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When you have no freedom to act the way you want, there is always the desire to go on with what you want to do and the fear that blocks it. You are with a friend and you have the fear that your elder won’t like it. You just hang around with friends and there comes the fear again…when you have no act of freedom, it is like being in some kind of hell. The desire soars and the fear kills. Then your life becomes a marsh of sinking sorrow. You feel like you can never be happy. Of course you won’t be unless you can be the person you want to be.

Is Marriage a Solution?
When life is closing up on me, I feel a shudder of sadness enveloping me in almost a misery. Marriage doesn’t seem a haven to me. I wish I could enjoy my individuality as far as I want.
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The summer heat was scorching the very bone in my body. I was dying of thirst and my leg couldn’t carry me any faster. Besides, with my small son on my back, I was drained of all strength. And finally when I saw a small cluster of cottages on descending a hill, I thought, God has come for my rescue.

It feels like I have been locked up and haven’t seen the light of the day for ages. I feel like I have forgotten even the color of the day and the hues of life. What do we call a life? In actuality, I even don’t possess this small understanding of what everyone calls life. Is it just every day you live? Or does it count how you live it?

How does it matter? Does understanding it make a difference? Are those fanatics who do not hesitate to put their lives off the ones who do not understand life’s meaning? If there is a meaning, what kind is it? Does it extend beyond your relation to your beloved, parents and relatives?

Is it really the woman who decides what happens? Isn’t there more to it than just words? It is a human tendency to flirt. Now, you do not pretend not to know anything. When opposite sexes come together, they usually have more to talk than they can hold. They blabber on the topics usually trivial but that can change something in both of them.

At this moment I feel like every sense in me has collapsed.

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