Kuenza's Diary

Letter written to a friend in June, 2005. Something surfacing in your life after what seems like a forgotten decade I want to tell you this as the foremost point: what you have is always better than what you don’t have but long for as it seems good. Ask yourself the question of whether you can start everything all over again. You have known him for long years now. I’m sure you have never known someone as close as him. Now my question is, will you be able to start everything from the beginning trying to know that guy as close as him? And do you think when you are with him you can feel as comfortable as yourself as you are with X? Just cuz X tells you that you can choose your way, do you think you can forget all those moments you have known him and cherished so far? Do you think you can walk away from him to get sth. that you have no knowledge of what will bring? Now, my dear friend, I want you to think everything over. I understand that feeling where you get carried away and feel yo...

14th September, 05 Dear L, I’m at a loss of word at this moment not cause I don’t have anything to say but cause I don’t know how to begin and from where. We indeed traveled a larger part of the world than I can put right out here. Days then were brighter and our laughter more lasting. Life indeed was more than a living. We really lived cause we knew the essence of ourselves and the futility of words uttered at mere envy and leisure. Now, how far have we traveled? And for how long? Can we really count? I know days were more than countable and happiness was simply infectious. We did cry but tears never left us shattered. We always had a way to smile and a reason to laugh. Things never were too bad; and this was all because I had a friend walking beside me who saw nothing but the better side of life. You did make me see many things hidden behind the cloud of life and made me realize the meaning of being an individual. I probably failed you for more times than I can remember. I know I c...

Buddhism Buddhism doesn't shun, it doesn't differentiate - it encompasses everything in its rich vastness. I have always believed that Buddhism is not a religion. It is more than science of mind: I mean to say that it doesn't only tell us how of many things in our lives but it tells us the basic thing of how to live. I have it in my mind, the desire to really feel the realization of the nature of mind and I feel that this will let me be more moral and this fact reassures me that I won't turn nasty - not in any way. Why Killing Animals is a Sin Killing animals is a sin according to me. It is not because Buddhism tells us that it is a sin. It is because, I can feel it inside myself the wrong in it. 1. It is a sin to take lives of other living beings - and it is a simple fact that needs no justification. 2. Humans were not born to make balance in the ecosystem - other animals do that because they are not equipped like humans to have other means. 3. Humans can't be equa...

We aren't rich couples who laze in the luxury of wealth but simple, honest couple who try to grasp small meanings in life and not the bigger riches that vanish in moments. We were both raised in the farming family which makes us more mature than other people of our age. We have seen more than those who are raised in town. We have seen hardship they haven't. He is special because he understands me more than anyone else. Sometimes, even more than myself. He stands by me and give me time to realize my mistakes, if ever there is one. We aren't at that tender age where marriage is taken as some kind of a relationship that can be broken and replaced with a new one. As we move along in life, we together come to understand that marriage is a function of a lifetime that cannot be repeated in the same pattern and that nor can we feel the same for another person in quite the same way we do with that person who hold our hand for the first time. ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ...

To me, life isn't about pursuing dreams and forgetting its small subtle things that give happiness. Happiness comes from realizing your dreams Actually what we desire most in life is love and all great people in history have accepted that. The emotions that come in the simplest forms are like ambrosia to the Gods. The sweetest nectar. Love is so eminent in us.....it is like a wave. Rises and falls. That is what I’m saying...actually the basic need for human isn't accomplishing high dreams and ambitions but having what our heart desire. I feel everyone who has got some titles is one who have worked for it If only u knew...love can encompass a whole galaxy in it. I’m sure when two people think of each other; they can really feel each other You are like a rainbow...I can only see u stretch above me with your splendor It’s a longing that a child has for his mom. It’s longing...a craving for the stars to fall There are times when you meet someone and though you hardly know him/her, ...

From Left: Kyangsom, Kinley & I From Left: Tenzy, Leki and I With Phub Dem (she is one on the Right) With Lungten (L on the left)

From M: Dude, you know what, you’re such a special friend of mine. You don’t know that somewhere sometimes down the river once you were there for me. Dude, may the coming anniversaries in your life make love between two of you stronger and have a beautiful life. Dude remember that your lover is the best person in the world and nothing should lessen your love for him. To Bro. Tshering: Persistent practice is what your course demand and I know you have quite the potential for it. A brother’s word resounding in my mind, it even made me feel a little emotional. It carried me way back to the early days of my childhood when I had fun as a kid…and you invented games to keep us all gay. To Karma: I’m sorry for being too idiotic, not even sending you a message. I was bit worried but I thought nothing wrong would come to you. Not because sickness can’t inflict you, but I’ve this faith which says you are strong and would be through with anything. It may seem that I don’t care, but your wellbeing ...

I was sitting outside on a bench, thinking over life; the many small things that constitute life and the inconsistency of our thoughts…the moment was beautiful. A moment where I could just close my eyes and dream beautiful dreams. Life without seriousness sometimes becomes like an undulating waves. You really make things interesting. I say one thing, you say another…and everything just about negates everything. But like it as it is. Maybe you deny your feeling finding them interrupting your principles. The breathtaking scene of the sunset over the sea and the deep blueness of the sea itself, with a romantic song in my heart, and a sight frightfully romantic, I could feel nothing, think nothing and do nothing but miss you like never before. Friendship, love, trust…these are some of the beautiful things in life. I have them because I have you. My love shall last so long as I do…and even beyond that. Love is forever. Some say it…some think it. Some know it.

He expected love to make life complete and had never expected that a relationship might be two difficult people trying to become one. She thought guiltily about how being in love made you so committed; you couldn’t go with other people for long period of time cause, you missed the person you loved and knowing he missed you made you feel like a rat. There were so many things going on in her tone that he couldn’t begin to think about it. If her words were glass and shattered on the floor, in a hundred pieces, each one would be an emotion. It was sad to be by yourself on a sentimental night like this, especially when there was a man you cared about. Cared about….a man you loved? She really did care a lot about him; she wanted to protect him and cuddle with him and be with him, but was that real love? Love should be your heart turning over when you saw him, a melting feeling when you had sex, being willing to die for him if you had to. She trusted him completely. Yet there was something mi...

My Note: Following is a very beautiful story forwarded to me by one of my friends. I couldn't help but cry. I could feel the depth of love that woman showed to those men. I could feel what real heart of a human is. And what we can do to make someone's day in a simple way. We don't have to be very rich or influential but we can as we are, make someone happy just as we are. This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way throughuntil the end! (After the story, there are some very interestingfacts!): I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed mycollege degree.The last class I had to take was Sociology.The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wishevery human being had been graced with.Her last project of the term was called, "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and documenttheir reactions.I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say helloanyway. So, I though...

Back to the class. My strength seems to slip away. The enthusiasm seems to falter. As I sit here, good reasons fail to make me believe. The inspirations fail to inspire. I find no use whatsoever to sit here and pretend. As I sat comfortably, letting out my breath…I felt a calm flow of energy within me. I didn’t know what was really happening but I was perfectly happy and I wanted it to last for a long time. In the midst of laughter and fun I stood back in total surprise. What were we doing? I thought we were wasting our time like that. I knew then that it wasn’t the way to live life. It was either to be true in our heart or risk our whole being. I was walking by the street when I saw a cat passing the road. Suddenly a car swooped over out of nowhere and killed the cat! Do you think a notion of getting killed passed over in its mind? It wouldn’t have (like anyone of us) thought of dying that instant but it did. We bask our life in an enchanted pool of unceasing desire. Our life is uncer...

Doing Things the Way I want I want to do things I want to do in the in the way I want to do. I care but little about what others think. To me what matters is what I’m gonna learn in the process and not the stagnant result that would yield but a momentary joy. My Character The flippancy of my mind could be attributed to the very nature of myself. It is not something I’ve got to do with. If people don’t understand me, what have I got to do with it? I can only be myself. The way I’m. I can be talking to a group of people like I’m one crazy idiot. But there always is something more inside. That good, loving, gentle heart. No one is bad in himself. I talk because I feel I need to. It is a pleasure and no hard task.

To train yourself to be an efficient human being, you must first prove it in the work you are dong that you can do the best. What the eye doesn’t see and the mind doesn’t know, doesn’t exist ~from the book “Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence This was one of the fleeting patterns in the mirror. She was too feminine to be quite smart. Pushed his way by sheer instinct. It’s like the weather…the sort that will have to be…for the time being. To take notice of other’s privy. It is utterly senseless and pointless; a matter of misplaced curiosity. Everything hinges on the instinct for success. That’s the pivot on which all things turn. It is great fun to have him reveal his mind to you than have him kiss you. If to love someone is a crime, I won’t attempt it. To love someone is to feel no difference between two people. It means to remain one.

From Jimy An unexamined life is not worth living. Greater task requires greater plans and thoughts. A decision of life cannot be bartered within seconds. Love is painful…love hurts. Gladdened am I that friendship doesn’t. “FAINT HEART NEVER WON A FAIR LADY” Kavita: You know you can spend so much only when you love the person. It is not that money is so important. But you see, money is for us and we are not for money. Brother Tshering: No matter what, you should never forget the purpose you are here.

Buddhism Taking refuge in Buddha – being awakened and not deluded. Taking refuge in Dharma – having proper viewpoints Taking refuge in the Sangha – being pure and not polluted. One should not rely upon the person of the master but rather rely upon the teaching, the substance of his or her teaching, the message of the Buddha. ~Buddha Many who are indifferent to any form of spiritual practice are materially well off in some developed countries, but even then they’re completely unsatisfied. Although they are affluent they are not content. They suffer the anguish of wanting more, so that although they are materially wealthy, they are mentally poor. ~H.H. Dalai Lama Whether I’m exalted or condemned, I will still be the ordinary Buddhist monk and I find it very comfortable. People call me the Bodhisattva of compassion, Avalokiteshvara, but that does ...

Life is a journey. We begin life with a step and the beauty of it lies in the people you meet and the fun you have with them I was lying on a bed (in the hospital) when I came back…I looked around in wide eyes…he was sitting beside my bed. God knows for how long! I fell back into another long hours of drowsiness and unconsciousness as I felt him holding my hands. I was happy that he was there with me. Friends – aren’t they beautiful? They are there with you no matter what. Life is not always beautiful but the few beautiful moments are too remarkable to forget…and it all centers on our friends. Without friends life would be a darn hell…you agree with me? I know you do. Who loves to be alone and lonely? Friendship bridges two hearts into a harmonic rhythm of their beat such that they can feel exactly the same. Friendship flowers but never dies. I accept equally the love and pain, the joy and suffering, the truth and faults, the guilt and remorse…life is not always as you expect. Life is ...

There were times when my thoughts just wouldn’t go along with some people. “Mark here, I ain’t trying to blame anyone…it is just that, at that moment and still, for a person like me I had not been blessed enough to think any divine. I accepted the fact…I just couldn’t understand you trying to take around some false truth. I don’t lose my temper easily, unless a person really climbs up my sleeve. I can get it back even then. You call someone name, call it. I remain me, even if you call me thousand names. I hate hypocrites. If you wanna say something, say it right out. Don’t point fingers at my life. I live it and no one tells me how. Just like that. I’ve many reasons and believe me it is good for both of us. Sorry for all the distrust caused and the falsity created. I think I understand what you are feeling but I’m scared to understand more. It will be a mischief to do something amiss and amiss will be everything that involves us. Let’s not make it tough. It doesn’t mean you cannot love...

I love you because I can’t hate you. I can’t hate you because there is nothing in you that I don’t admire. I admire you because you are an integrity of honesty and love. It is wonderful to love you but torture-some to miss you. I have never fallen in love with anyone this way! When you love someone you feel too wonderful. Even missing that person is a beautiful feeling that you wish you could engrave the feeling forever. Love is a beautiful feeling you feel for another person. Love is like a hand that mother reaches out for her child when the child wants the heart to rest his tired soul on. I miss you because I can’t live without you. I miss you because I love you so much. I miss you because I feel so empty without you. Without you it is just an emptiness of void....a rest of pain…thoughts of loneliness and life without a soul. Without you, I would never want to see the sun shine, the wind blow, the stars twinkle. And I know without you, I would never be what I’m. Sweet dreams…if I wer...

To J.D.: You are right that life is an endless journey. But if life were to be an idle sitting, we would all have died of boredom. I like life being a journey. I like life being a series of birth and death. I like life being a mixture of joy and sorrow I like life being a world of friends and family. I like life as it is. SMS to a friend: I’ve never for a moment wished I were someone or were like them. I like myself being myself and I’m happy my way. To cheku; I know you are full of humor…but in you being serious for a moment won’t lose its charms. Because what you have in inborn is never lost or destroyed. To my nephew: Life is not just about the zing of being big and having fun; it is about how much you can realize the truth. Be a good person. Just be the human you are. To Kinley Gyelmo: Friends once were friends now. Friendship passes the test of time. I miss you and I wish I could catch you up right now and have a good time once again. I get a gnawing sensation of sadness dawning o...

If love hurts, then love some more. If love hurts some more, then love even more. If love hurts even more…then love till it hurts no more. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Some things are left undone, some words are left unsaid, some feelings are left unexpressed. But someone as nice as you could never be left unmissed. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ When nights are long & friends are few, I sit by my window and think of you….A silent whisper, a silent tear…with all my heart, I wish you were here. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Every little smile can touch somebody’s heart. May you find hundred of reasons to smile today and may you be the reason for someone to smile always. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ If you don’t have a reason that is important enough to die for, you don’t have a reason that is important enough to live for. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...

I feel an overwhelming sadness casting a darker shadow over my heart. I would better let you know that I’m alive when I’m…now, do I talk like I’m not gonna see tomorrow? That is how I feel. (I would often think of death in the sudden dark still night and feel like death wasn’t far) You be with a person and do everything together…you get so used to being with him that you just don’t know what to do without him. And you can’t help but miss him. You know when two people are in love, their hearts beat as one and they feel the same. I’m happy that it is happening to us. To you I give what I’m and not what I’m not. Not more, not less but true me. You see what I’m. I’ve no hidden vice or nasty tricks. With what I’m, you are but, a part of me. You are not sure because you don’t trust me…you don’t trust me because you don’t trust yourself. You don’t trust yourself because you are not sure of what you say or do. All I can say is that I trust myself to trusting you and loving you with all my hear...

The world revolves round…the scientists have proved but it is not seen. We, none of us have ever seen. But we believe that it’s true. And I guess, even now, as I sit here writing this down, the world is revolving round. It doesn’t heed what I do or where I am. I have wondered over the phenomenon of the very survival of our being and I still do…but somehow I can’t think further. World seems a mystery to me. I don’t even know myself. Just a small heap of flesh in the gigantic world. I have now seen this world for twenty long years…enough to have made me see what I really am or who I really am. But it’s too sad to note that I haven’t been lucky enough to succeed there. Like everyone else, I go on with the world. We say we are living. Life itself is an automaton. A mechanical doorway. As the chores of life go on, I meet people. Beings like me. They, I am sure are mystified as much as me. I see them, shake hands, and to them I’m (my name). But even as I utter that, my supposed name, I get a...

The world revolves round…the scientists have proved but it is not seen. We, none of us have ever seen. But we believe that it’s true. And I guess, even now, as I sit here writing this down, the world is revolving round. It doesn’t heed what I do or where I am. I have wondered over the phenomenon of the very survival of our being and I still do…but somehow I can’t think further. World seems a mystery to me. I don’t even know myself. Just a small heap of flesh in the gigantic world. I have now seen this world for twenty long years…enough to have made me see what I really am or who I really am. But it’s too sad to note that I haven’t been lucky enough to succeed there. Like everyone else, I go on with the world. We say we are living. Life itself is an automaton. A mechanical doorway. As the chores of life go on, I meet people. Beings like me. They, I am sure are mystified as much as me. I see them, shake hands, and to them I’m (my name). But even as I utter that, my supposed name, I get a...