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What you shouldn’t say to a mother

I must admit on the onset that despite my effort to be the best mother, I had had incidents where my daughter fell down from the bed, from the stairs and so on. Yesterday, she ran out of the bath and slipped on the floor – and hurt her head so badly. It scared me. It scared her daddy more because he blamed me that I had not taken any precaution, knowing that the floor was slippery. She has this habit. For sheer mischief, she runs away when she has finished her bath and knows that I am going to wrap her in a towel.

I cuddled her and stroked her hair, soothing her, consoling her that it will be okay. She stopped after a while. Children soothe much faster than adults. They forget hurt way quicker as well. This relieved me. There was no swelling, and she didn’t seem to hurt when I touched the area that was hit.

My husband’s repeated reminder to me is that it is very risky for children to hit their head. It could lead to any undesirable long-term effect. I am aware of that too. And it is not that mothers don’t try what they could to protect their children. Mothers know in their heart what their children want and they have a dream of how they want them to be grown. So, when someone blames them for not being good mothers, or when someone tells them that the way they tend their children isn’t perfect, they don’t welcome it well. And I would think it is only right to receive it that way.

It is not ingratitude that they expect after all the sacrifices they make – from the moment they conceive, to the day they are on their own. In fact, mothers worry about their children even after that.

A friend of mine rightly pointed out that it is perceived that children have more accidents when they are with their mothers because they are with them almost all the time. It is only at rare times that their dads play with them, and it is not surprising that they should have no undesirable surprises of accidents and commotion. I don’t want to generalize this, but if I must make this judgment based on my friends (90% of us have children aged 5 and below at this time), it is true.

Anyway, next time you are about to point out the wrong to a mother who happens not to be quick enough to stop her child from falling down, stop yourself. It is not what she wants to hear at that moment.


Anonymous said…
Agreed ma'am. It's true. Mothers spend more time with children than fathers. Therefore, both good and bad things happens to children more often in presence of mothers. Nice write up, ma'am. Hope your hubby has stopped complaining now. :)
Kuenza L said…
Thank you Langa. Surely he has stopped. It doesn't last long.
Tshewang Dorji said…
True indeed and a very goood lesson for fathers in making..:p
on the otherhand i also feel that fathers says so out of love for the children and not necessarily to blame....
Kuenza L said…
You are right Tshewang. It is out of love -- but an outburst at that moment isn't so welcoming.
Dear Kuenza,
I know that painful moment. The heart stopping moment when our child get hurts. I am clumsy and my girl is hyper, which makes a very bad combination. Everytime my little heart falls I get my share from my wife. She will shout at me because she spends the whole day with her and there is no case and as soon as I reach home everything begins to happen.
When accidents are minor I am silent, but when she gets big swellings and bleeding I lose my cool and beg of her loudly to stop accusing me because accidents happen by accident. Scolding me or anybody won't help the child anyway. I tell her that even i get broken then the child gets hurt and by shouting at me she is only making me feel worse.

But When My wife is responsible I just run to my daughter and attend to the injuries and also console my wife side by side because she has weak heart and I don't want her to panic and cry.

But I know sometimes we can't help, it takes lots of reflections. I am just happy to know that your angel is fine. Don't worry children fall and rise...
Kuenza L said…
Thank you so much Passu. It makes me feel that I am not alone. My daughter is a bit of a hyper too and I just can't keep up. But I do try my best.
Yeesi7 said…
Hello Ana Kuenza, this is a thoughtful article from a mother's point of view. I hope everyone hears this message and know that accidents happen when the baby is with their mom....
I hope things are well now.


Kuenza L said…
All fine Yeshi. It was fine in a few minutes after the accident. Jus that I wanted to write about it and share my experience.

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