Kuenza's Diary

I feel that we have to make certain sacrifices in life and we have to be happy with what we have because no matter where we try to go, there won't be a place or a reason that will keep you perfectly happy forever.

I'm listening to this old song, "I love you more than I can say." I'm already feeling sadness gripping me. I'm alone sitting here, wondering what best to do. I'm having this tough time where I get irritable and sick; where I get snappy and miserable. But I am not losing my mind completely. I'm really wondering what I must ask, if I had just one chance to ask God to grant me a wish. And no matter who says, "I love you more than I can say," I think we cannot just believe it is true. Except that you can trust the person who has first won your heart and trust. People who are flung into your life after that are those who are there only to test your strength, not really to take you on the path through love.

When we feel that we like someone, it is more the fantasy we create about that man that makes us feel that way, not the real person.

Karma, Tshoki and I lay in the water, face up, looking at the sky. I know hundred thoughts ran in our head; but we spoke only few words. The sound of the waves shook our heart—but it only took us further away from ourselves. We rode into an imaginary land of bliss. Benny sat a little above us. We asked him to join us and enjoy the beauty of nature. At such time, it is as if our mind blends with the phenomena all around it. Two meters away from us sat a couple. It was dark. We could only see the silhouette of things around. Suddenly we were talking about the couple and wishing that we each had our beloved with us. All our eyes focused on them. Benny missed his wife so much that he had a tough time controlling his emotions. Then the three of us talked about our beloved back home. But I gave that up and went back to the resort. I lay down in the dark under the canopy and dreamed a long beautiful dream. I was alone. I always prefer to be alone when I have to weave a beautiful dream. I coul...

Earlier, we sat under a canopy and talked of GNH and jobs. Tshoki told Jom that I am more interested in writing; she said I have landed on the wrong job. Tshoki: “She will be contributing more if she becomes a reporter; she is interested in writing.” Me: “No, come on. I can actually imagine the job of a reporter. It would be tiring having to interview so many people for a single news.” I add, “I write stories and I enjoy writing but I know it will never actually happen.” Jom: “Why not? You know, it is only you who is stopping yourself. You can make things happen.” Then Tshoki adds, “She wants to watch the sun set.” But who doesn’t? I have always enjoyed watching the sky glow in majestic color of orange as if the ink is spreading on a sponge. It doesn’t last long but even the briefest joy you get watching it is worth an hour of meditation. I did take a solitary walk along the beach as the sun started setting. But I was quickly caught by ...

My friends and I went to bed only around one in the morning. We would have to wake up early the next morning. We were going to the beach; we would be spending a night there. Excitement climbed up our head already and each of us had a picture of the beach in our mind. Though we slept late, we had no problem getting up. I could hardly open my eyes; it stung but the excitement of being at the beach kept it open. Though it was very early, we had no problem eating breakfast too. Though the appetite seemed a little far away, once we started, we all had our fill. Benny, the person who would be going with us—who would also be driving the van told us that our training coordinator, Jom (He wants me to call him Mr. Jom, but since he looks a kid to me, and he is also a friend, I will only call him Jom—no offence dear) would be joining us too. He got to the institute a little late. And there was a surprise: we were to be accompanied by another two guys: the two sweet brothers who are...