Kuenza's Diary

Following is an article by Tenday in www.nopkin.com and my my comment on the article follows: Changing Thoughts changing with Changing Times When Sonam was a little girl, she always thought she would marry the first guy she meets in her life. But when she reached her teens, she broadened her thinking little bit for she understood that it was ok to go for a second if the relationship with first one doesn’t work out well, that is, as long as the girl remains a virgin. She crossed her teens and then she didn’t care how many boy friends a girl changes and that too for as long as they didn’t spent a night together. By then living together kind of relationship was not uncommon. And so when she met her first boyfriend, she got very scared when he first asked her to spend a night with him. She refused so many times because she had many fears as well as so many ‘what if (s)’. She was more worried about what the society might say about her if they finds out. But after being in a relationship ...

I ain't feeling so good today. It isn't the hangover. No, I do not drink. Did I sound cold to my friend? He told me he thought I wasn't feeling well. But, well...I was normal. Some different views. I wasn't angry. I couldn't disagree either. I thought I wasn't doing wrong by what I was doing. It was only my interest and there was no harm intended. No, not for anyone. Love? I don't know if love shared between men and women and love parents have for their children are same. Ask him. I don't know really. I'm incapable of any thought. I am sinking deeper into some souless dream.

In the tent: Getting ready to go to Gasa school for the 11th November Celebration With Karma, my husband on the way to Gasa.

“I want you to know that I don’t want to chat with you anymore…” Don’t want to chat anymore? Good friends don’t say goodbye like that, do they? I guess it is true that, “Oftentimes we say goodbye to the one we love without wanting to, though that doesn't mean that we stopped loving them or we stopped to care. Sometimes, goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.” Many years we have been good friends and when smog of uncertain reason came up in his head I had no choice but to retrace my path back and hold my heart in my own hands. I trusted his judgment and I didn’t want to ask questions about who was right and who was wrong. I thought he chose the path he did because he knew it was good for him. What right did I have to interrupt and put my perception in him? I was only a person who held little brain and human heart. I had nothing else to offer him. Nothing. Years of friendship ended before my eyes. It came crumbling down and not a trace was left. No we didn’t hold grudge. There w...

I held his hand and turned my back towards him. I didn’t want to voice my response to his talks. I thought I should just remain silent. He took his hand and turned his back towards me, hurt. I thought he was only pretending to be hurt, wanting me to baby-talk and love him. Of course I did that – I took his hand in mine and asked him to hold me close to him. Even as he said “I love you,” tears fell down my cheeks. One of his hands lay on my chest but, sleep was already taking him to a painless dream and he didn’t feel sigh and sob heaving my chest in heavier pain. I felt the cold teardrops in my ears now. I wanted him to hold me and love me like I was his new found treasure. I wanted him to love me like I was the only one. And I wanted him to need me like I was his only happiness. There wasn’t anything I could point to as the cause of my tears. But I guess not a single heart is made to tolerate the capacitance of a load that it cannot carry. I silently consoled myself over the silent te...

Design of Life I didn’t think I would hear of death this morning before anything else – even before I had my breakfast. You mean, my neighbor who I walked with not a month ago is not on earth anymore? A deer barked at midnight. Was it midnight already? But why was a lone deer barking? Ana Sonam said it wasn’t a healthy sound but plead of an injured animal. As she prayed, she asked another friend if they should go and look for it. The sound didn’t come from very far. It wasn’t barking. It was crying. Each time we heard it, a splinter of pain ran through our hearts. I silently sank in my sleeping bag and caught my heart in my hand and prayed that it wasn’t being chased by a predator or was got into a trap. We were in Gasa, sleeping cramped in a tent. But this wasn’t life we were leading forever. We had only come for a holiday. But the deer’s bark? The death of my friend? It wasn’t a choice they had made out of fun. That night, I wished life were designed a little way different – like – ...