Kuenza's Diary

My dear,  A few days back, you could sit only with support. We would put a blanket around you and you would play with your toys for hours. Now, you can sit without support. You roll around and respond to our smile. How my heart melts to see your eyes twinkle with that sweet innocent smile! You have also started watching nursery rhyme videos.  I can’t believe that it has been seven months already. I look back and find that times have passed very fast. It is like only yesterday that I held you on my bosom as an infant. I now realize that even when you have grown up, you will remain a child to me and this is how all mothers must feel. I have seen cases where parents love their children and are over-protective of them. This I now know is not because of any ill intention of not wanting to give freedom to their children. Their children, no matter how old remain children to them and they are afraid that they will be hurt, and they think they should be there to protect them. Pare...

I’m a mother of a 7 month old daughter and a student. I could have put my studies for later, taking priority to raise my baby first but I thought since I’m not growing any younger, I could as well take up both together, no matter how challenging that is. Also, I am not the first one to do that. I have heard of many mothers who pursued their career, even when it took them away from their children. And so I hopped onto that boat and here I am. In the beginning, I returned home to find that my baby had cried looking for me, wanting nothing but mother’s milk. I realize that to babies, there is nothing more soothing and comfortable than being on the mother’s bosom, sucking milk. She isn’t crying as much as she used to but it is going to get worse – because soon, she will recognize me and she probably won’t even want to stay with her father. Children and their mothers are so emotionally attached that no words can explain. I wonder if fathers feel for their children as much as mothers do. Th...

I am inwardly wailing at this problem. It has been going on for so long. I have been contemplating on calling my house owner to ask her if she knows about it and whether she is trying to solve it. But for so many times, I argued over it in my mind and did not call her. I think she knows. And even if she knows, I think she doesn’t care enough to the extent of seeing her tenants’ welfare. We know that the water supply is included in the essential service, don’t we? It means under no excuse should it be deprived.  I have had no running water in my kitchen for more than a month. I get water for a limited time in the morning and evening in the bathroom. My family and I have to be ready to collect water in the buckets at that time or we have to risk staying unhygienic to the extent you can imagine. Imagine an un-flushed toilet – this will be able to give us a picture of how essential water is. Or imagine eating on a plate that has not been washed or not washed properly. We would not ...

I think 20 years is a long time. Yes, 20 years back, there were more happy times than unhappy times. Our parents must have worried for all of us; maybe sometime the worry was too much to carry. But us, children did not know much. Or I think my elder siblings did know more about life and the hardship of a farmer. But me? I was not totally pampered but I saw less hardship than all of them. One winter when my brother was helping my father in the woods, the axe accidentally fell on his foot, leaving him in bed for many weeks. Despite the pain he was going through, we would have happy times. I remember being by his side all the time. We would always write something. And what I still remember to the last is the katsom that we composed. It is in Sharchop, a dialect spoken by the people from the east. I don’t know how much input I gave. Maybe I was only a mere spectator. My friend Lhadon (who is now in the village and a mother of 3 children) and I would sing it at the tshechus. For a few we...

Baby is crying so much that I think her pain is unbearable. We are alone. I think we would feel better if we were not, but I tell myself that even if anyone was present, pain would not lessen. Not knowing what to do, her cry splitting my heart, I cry with her. At that moment I think of all the mothers in the world, about their pain, their sacrifices, and their loneliness. This also makes me think of how not so useful fathers are. Their role ends more or less with a kiss, or a how-are-things-going queries. They don’t know that it is beyond money. They never see the painful cry, the heart wrenching pleads, nor do they see the sweet addictive malice-less smiles. The 24 hours time I dedicate to my baby is filled with miracles. Every time I tend to do some of my work, I tell myself that I’m home right now for her; the government has given me three months maternity leave so that I can be with her day and night, every second of the time to fend for her,...

I’m more a social worker than a technical person. I sometime wonder if I have studied the right course and got the right job. But of course no matter where we are, there is always something we can do to help others. The recent voluntary work I did was the Blood Donation Campaign organized at the JDWNR Hospital, Thimphu. I always feel panic worrying if it would go well but of course, it is no match to the happiness I feel afterwards. The feeling you get later is so rewarding that you can bask in the sun, look at the stars or sing a song and forget that you will need to worry about what you will eat tomorrow.  I organized and participated in several cleaning campaigns too. I sometime tell my friends that I’m gonna die looking for volunteers. But it is not that I don’t enjoy it. I feel completely fulfilled and happy when I am able to help the society and the people through such small effort. It is not like you need a lot of money or you need to be ...

On the Descending Day of the Lord Buddha, I and my family went to Tandin Ney. On the way up, we saw a group of students sitting around in a circle in the beautiful meadow, eating snacks. From one of their mobiles came the modern music and they seemed to enjoy the environment, the song, and the friendship. When I see such scene, this nagging thought of how they might dispose their waste weigh me down. And that morning too, I wondered about it till I saw what they had done with their waste on my way back home. The wai wai and lay ’s cover lay on the beautiful meadow on which they sat. They seemed to plead us to take them with us and so we did.  I stay in a crowded area in Changzamtok where the urban planning hasn’t really laid eyes on. On the half a kilometer long rough road breeds the filthiest smell. God knows how many times I have wished that a city corporation or any other concerned organization would at least blacktop this stretch of road, wh...