Kuenza's Diary

--> Disclaimer: I would like the readers to read this story without judgment. The story is triggered by a real incident but is more imaginary than real and the thoughts are my own. A second sequel of the story will follow soon, which will be even more imaginary than this post. There are times when your body cries for a touch that you are not entitled for. There are times when your heart yearns for things that is beyond your boundary. There are times when you want to live in your thoughts forgetting the reality. I happened to be in a gathering of people of different backgrounds, all of them senior to me. And I would like to believe that it is our karmic connection that brought us together and it was not a mere coincidence. I am a person who believes that nothing happens by chance. A week wore on, rather slowly. The first day seemed to be the longest. But second week started and I felt like it had not been two weeks since I was with the group. Sense of time seems ...

I’m heartbroken but I don’t want to appear so. I muffle all my emotions and I put a confident me as I walk up to my ex boyfriend. I say, ‘Oh here you are.’ And I pass a quick abrupt ‘hi’ to his girlfriend. Now, this is tough. Tougher than I imagined. We walk in a shopping mall as if we have more business to deal with than we know. I walk ahead. When he insists that he takes my picture, I refuse. There is no reason why he must have my picture. He should possess nothing of me. I turn away every time he focuses his camera on me. He says, ‘You look sexy.’ But why should that even matter? No, he cannot play with me. I wonder why I had to meet him this time. Oh yes, I know his brother. His brother put in my hands some works he wanted delivered to him. And it then became my business to see him. I could have said no. But unlike many relationships, our relationship somehow prolonged, the more severe pain in our heart...

I wish I could hold you back and keep you here If it is not hunger that is forcing you off Please don’t go… I wish I could tell you to stay here and be mine If it is not your mother you want to be home for, Please don’t go… I wish you could look at me right now and know what I’m feeling inside If it is not your son who is calling you home, Please don’t go… I wish, I could ask the time to stop, if you have to go at five If it isn’t the night you are afraid of, Please don’t go.

You are not who I thought I will love You are not who I thought I will cry for And yet, you make me want to cry I want to stop dead and not talk I want to shut my eyes close and not look And yet, I see your face everywhere Or what is there to care? Let me cry until tears run dry Let me look for you until you are really here… Even if I don’t know if you would really be there //Author’s note: In the mood of wanting to cry. The experience of heart wrenching open, blood-oozing pain and the undeniable emotions of blinding madness.

The bright afternoon sun shone on her dreams. She blinked her eyes in surprise. How is it possible? It was only yesterday that she wondered about him. And how can he be here today? She dreamed of him every night. She thought of him every day. She talked to him even in her sleep. His name became a prayer on her lips. And it is particularly his lips that stuck in her mind and gave her a feeling of wanting to touch it. That deep curve of smile. That sharp turn of lips. And since she first saw his pictures, she held his image in her head as if she believed that thinking of him every day would bring him in front of her for real. And from that day on, thinking of him became her job. If it did nothing good, it made her heart swell in love. They waged stakes. The war was already waging inside her heart. But when one day he turned up in front of her for real and asked her to marry her, she did. Lying beside each other in bed under normal circumstances which was a bet in the hypothet...