Darling, I am sorry

I just got to my office and I am still feeling a bit restless, a kind of a feeling you get when you have forgotten something important or when you have done something wrong. My three-year-old daughter has been unwell. For two nights she couldn’t sleep well because her body temperature was very high. We monitored it in all possible ways we knew. She got better after two days but she is still not in her best health – a bit of loose motion and lack of appetite. She is fussier than her usual self and that is getting on our nerves, her father and me.

We try our best. We love her, no doubt. Yet, there are times when we do not know how best to calm her down. For example, this morning, she didn’t want to brush her teeth. She didn’t want to take bath either. So, we said, that is okay. We will let her be. She didn’t want to eat anything except Chocos. We said okay to that too, because it is better for her to eat something than nothing at all. I tell you, she doesn’t eat much. May be she eats 5 spoons of it. But she wanted her bowl full. Fine, we yielded to that too, but by then the fuss got way too much that she was crying, and her father spanked her. I do not blame him for this – despite our knowledge that it is not the best way to bring up a child, there is nothing we can do. Can we ignore her till her fuss fades away? It does not happen fast enough and we are all in time constraint (how I wish I had the luxury to resign and be a full time mother). And yet, my mother complains that I am pampering her too much.  She says this for my sake actually; she thinks I am having a hard time because of a cranky child. But honestly, it is not what defines her. She is more beautiful and adorable than that. I think humans have the nature of clinging on the un-important and the bad traits of others. She is soft spoken and loving in nature – just that she throws a fit of temper in between. But who doesn’t?

So here I am just now, writing this down before I catch hold of other works to apologize – more to myself in fact. I must feel that I am forgiven or else, I will not feel better.

Darling, I am sorry. I am sure you dad is too. We love you. You must know that it is especially when we are getting late for our work and you make a fuss of getting ready for school that we lose our cool. I know you will have grown up before we have known how time passed. And by then, we would look back and wish you were still a baby. But we will love you the same. Sweetheart, you must know that we are doing our best and we lose patience sometimes and that it is natural. You must grow up to be a sensible girl and you can’t brag for every small thing. Darling, you gotta know that the world does not shape every little thing the way you want. This will dishearten you, but that is the way it is.

I am sorry anyway for losing patience knowing that you are not well. Next time you are fussy, we will try our best to calm you down in a better way. For today, I am sorry and I will say sorry a thousand times, if I have to.

Happy daughter's week. As long as we are together, we will always be smiling.