Kuenza's Diary

Finding happiness by letting your partner be I think the best way to nurture a good relationship, be it with friends or your partners is to let them be—not exactly just watching them do what they want and silently crying inside, but really understanding what they are doing. I have seen a few relationships break and a few marriages fail because of the insecurity sprung from jealousy and possessiveness. I think it is bad in every sense. It doesn’t just take away your partner; if you feel jealous about your colleague doing much better than you it breeds unhappiness in your mind. And that in the end only affects you negatively.  I think the most important thing is to trust your friends and partners. Why not? If you think you are trust worthy and incapable of committing an act that is not worthy of a good social rating, neither is your partner. I think it simply stands on the platform of this single fact that we are all human; similar in some of ...

Finding happiness by being unselfish How often do you experience selfishness? I wish I could ask this question to myself and answer that I feel selfishness none of the time.   I don’t remember an instance where I had been selfish, but I’m sure I have been selfish, for I’m human. I was talking to my friend Karma the other day about selfishness and how that affects decision making. I told him that everyone is selfish and no matter what someone decides to do, they come to that decision only after they have assessed how that decision is going to help him/her. I said that from my narrow understanding of how I have seen people. People can agree with me or not, but what matters is, I guess, that, feeling of selfishness isn’t really good to our mental wellbeing. If you are often feeling selfish, you ought to have a sense of guilt later, for you knew that you were not doing what you ought to, based on objective reasons. Even when we try to deny, we inwardly know what is actually right or ...

My niece complains that she forgets mathematic formulas too soon. Then she complains that she cannot memorize definitions of different terms in Biology fast. She says, even if she has understood something, she forgets it. I always advise her to have her mind present exactly on what she is doing. And by that, I mean she has to be mindful. She has to have presence of mind—right there.  I cannot give meditation instruction and what aim we must have in meditating. I think, what is more important for us is to know how to remain calm, control our emotions, and thus, concentrate in what we do. Obviously, we won’t understand what our teachers teach us, even if he/she repeats it for the tenth time, if our mind is somewhere else, thinking of where we would like to go after school, or who we would like to meet as soon as the bell rings for interval.  Calmly breathing in and out, concentrating on our breath probably will not enlighten us, but it de...

I don’t know when I changed from being a quiet, speculative person. The most I did was talk to myself through words in my diary. But that changed as I started going to college. I was marked as a talkative person by some people as soon as I met them.  A week back, I sat down in my room and went through the greeting cards and letters I received from my friends over the years. I couldn’t help feel grateful that I had them to fill my days with joys. Even if my friends were not with me, they wrote me letters; sent me greeting cards; remembered me on my birthday; and wished me during my exams, not completely forgetting me because there was huge distance in-between. I used to exchange similar notes with even those friends I had in the same college, living in the same hostel. This always brought us closer, creating more joy and happiness, and harmony and understanding between us.  Life without friends would be totally hollow—like the sky withou...

Tourists say that Bhutanese are relaxed people. And I think it is true. Our people walk in a slow, relaxed pace while people in developed countries rush to work everyday. I am a person who has to get strict eight hours of sleep. When I don’t get enough sleep, I get headache and I cannot think well. I still remember this incident from my first year: The next day was my mathematics exam and I had not studied much. In the last minute, I was desperate to get a pass mark. I could already feel the shame that would come on me if I failed. So I sacrificed my sleep and studied late that night. But the next day, I went to the examination hall with swollen eyes and hazy head. Hundreds of formulae danced in my head and I couldn’t sort them out. I managed to get exactly the pass mark but I had the most terrible time in my entire lifetime as a student; I was anxious and edgy. Managing time is the most important aspect of life management. No matter whether we ...

Life in general is tit for tat. You will see that in every aspect of life. If someone came to see you when you were sick, you have to return that gesture in the same way. However if someone has done you something bad or wrong, you don’t return that with revenge. That is what I have seen in many Bhutanese. Even if, in your heart, you feel so hateful that someone wronged you, you forgive him, because you believe that, exacting a wrong by a wrong will only bear bad karma for you. My uncle died from surgical complications. He was fine before the surgery. I or any of my relatives could have sought explanations from the doctors for this, but simply because the dead cannot be brought back to life and it will only destroy the sentiments of the living, we didn’t do that. I was taken aback to see my brother’s helper kill a tiny cockroach walking up the wall in their living room. Before I could ask her not to, her hands were quicker. But I felt pain in my...