Monday, July 13, 2009

Money & Women

As soon as I realized that I wouldn’t climb high in the academic world, I knew I had to find another way of earning a living. And from that day on, I started looking for an alternative living. I tried to think of a plan and I became so worried that I lost sleep. I had a vague dream but I feared to share this with anyone; I did not tell this to even my sister who was very close to me.

Then came my chance. I had a friend who held the same dream crested in his chest for years. He had wanted it ever since he knew that money is what drives the world. And now, though I am a fervent Buddhist, I wanted to leave my country for money. I wanted money more than anything else. I got married young, and had already divorced. I was only 28. But life started early for some people.

My dream came true. Money started flowing into my wallet. And I felt more comfortable in the world than ever before. And though, my qualification hasn’t still climbed over class eight, I could so easily talk with people who had done masters and PhD as if I was at par with them. I didn’t want to think that but as soon as I entered into conversation with someone, a thought so comfortably came into my mind—that I probably have more money than they could actually make in 20 years time being in the job they are in. And that always made me feel a little above them. I thought it is true that the money buys everything in the world.

I had several affairs but I somehow couldn’t come to settle for long term with anyone. And finally when I turned 42, after living for more than 10 years in another country, I wanted to return home.

I bought a bungalow that was envy of the people of Thimphu. I drove a new shiny prado and I dressed elegantly. I could sense women looking my way—I think I provoked in them a different kind of need. I enjoyed this attention; I even had a fling with few of them. But I never felt more attracted to anyone like I felt to that girl that night at a karaoke bar in Thimphu. She knew I was flirting with her. I had no plan to get married but this girl who barely looked 20 had me smitten.

I frequented that bar every night after that. After two weeks we were living together. I thought I had finally got through in life without any twist in fate—my dreams falling into place so smoothly. I set up a similar kind of bar for her. I did not sit beside her all day long. I started playing archery which kept me away from home all the time. I did not enjoy the scene in the bar where my wife smiled at all her male customers—closing her eyes as if she is so in love with them; smile might have been fictitious but I could see how they looked at her breasts. This sometime drove me mad. I heard people talking about my wife having affairs with someone called Sonam. I did not want to believe it and I didn’t. I loved her and she was still my wife.

Few differences ought to be there in life. I thought she showed less and less interest in me but I thought that was natural too as married life extended to years. But she gave birth to a baby boy who was so much Sonam than me, I couldn’t trick my eyes. I couldn’t trick my love either. Since then, I have been living alone. I have stopped looking at young girls. And I am thinking of taking life more seriously. I realize that money isn’t everything. Despite every material comfort I have, I feel as if there is a hole out there in my life. And I sometime feel so lonely that I cry. I am growing older everyday and I have started thinking of death more often than ever before. I am losing interest in money. I’m losing interest in women too. I think I am more confused than ever before. I have no dreams now, but I always have a nagging feeling of sadness.

1 comment:

Tongyal said...

woi, whos story is that? Sad thur la ko.

I remembered a joke... The husband comes of always late from work (or elsewhere) and his wife wants to teach him a lesson. One fine morning as the husband leaves, he smirks his usual remark, "Good bye mother of five" (They had 5 children). The wife replies, "Good bye father of only three." The husband is said to have been punctual ever since. You ladies might as well try this trick ;)