Skip to main content

We may cry but it is for a greater joy

Dear Dechen,  

I have not written for so very long and it is in a way sad that I am writing today because I had to be harsh to you and right now while you are sleeping next to me, I am crying in remorse. There are times when it gets so difficult that I don't know how else to treat you to make you do what you have to. For example, this evening you didn't want to brush your teeth. I coaxed and praised and explained and did everything that I could but you just didn't agree and then I had to scold you and spank you on your bare arm with my hand. You finally brushed but you were still acting very stubborn. I just don't know how to make you not do something against my advice. 

You were in a very good mood before all this. I got home late because I had a meeting. I explained to you in the morning when I dropped you to school that you will be picked up by your grandma and you were okay. When I got home, your daddy went for dinner with Aunty Suzanne and group and it was just you, me and Abi. While I cleaned the rooms, you were so engrossed in drawing, cutting out your drawing and then pasting them on the wall. And just then, abi said dinner was ready. So she and I started eating dinner in the sitting room while you were still continuing the drawing in our bedroom. 

After the meeting, while I was at the Baby Point looking looking something for you, I met one Aunty and her daughter looking for Elsa's hair because she has to dress as Elsa in the school for a skit or some kind of a show. Then Aunty Kezang Deki who was with me told her that you have a hat that is supposed to be Elsa's hair and I had to agree to lend it to her. So while Abi and I were eating dinner that girl and Aunty kezang came and situation changed a bit. Aunty kezang ate dinner with us and she stayed on till it was time for you to sleep. The fuss of brushing your teeth started before she left. You said you wanted your daddy to brush it for you. It is always like that you know darling---you will keep swinging it between him and me and it kind of gets unpleasant after a while. Anyway, because I couldn't hold my patience, I had to be forceful.

You must know that I never spank you to hurt you. I cried getting frustrated, not knowing how best to deal with you. In such times I feel like I am all full and I have reached the end of all means. So, all I can do is pray to the almighty to help me, to guide me to a better way of dealing with you to make you grow into a fine person.

I have seen children your age who are very quiet and obedient, sitting next to their parents in the crowd and not moving an inch. I must tell you darling, while I see that it is very easy for the parents because they don't have to worry about having to attend to them getting hurt accidentally or accidentally knocking something off, I would still choose an active child like you over the ones like them. 

This is not what most of our days are like though. We are best friends most of the time and to think of it, in fact such little fuss in between shouldn't even warrant a letter. Last night, before we went to bed, we were so happy drawing different things like fish and flowers and ice creams. It was surprising that all you had to do was think of something--for example, you wanted to design a Kira for me and you had it on the paper. Similarly you designed a jacket for me. And I must tell you, it was such pure joy to sit next to you, watch you draw and explain what each drawing meant. One time you drew watches for yourself, Abi, me and daddy. Then you made a button and some kind of a frill. Until you explained, I didn't know that it was light flickering brightly when the switch is turned on.

So you see my darling, we create different worlds in our own small world without requiring much of anything but ourselves and or imagination and I tell you, it is this  that gives me happiness and makes me feel content. It is during such times that I feel complete and know for sure that there can't be more in life. 

So forget the little fuss. That is part of us growing up for the greater world and better us. I don't like the feeling that I might probably have made you feel helpless but it is not mummy's intention. It is always love, darling. And I hope you will know this someday.

I love you,


Rima Reyka said…
So sweet. When she grows up one day and read back this post, she may understand what you feel. Keep writing Kuenza! :)
Kuenza L said…
Thanks Rima. You inspire me.

Popular posts from this blog

My Home is no more

My parents worked so hard to first get a land where they could farm. Then they worked so hard to build a house of their own. Their hard work paid. They made a name for themselves. They built two houses; more if we are to count the houses they help build for their children. But for what?

We could argue that if they did not work that hard, their children -- my siblings and I could be doing something different, and earning our living in a different way. They worked hard--all for us. They taught us humility. One thing that rings in my mind still to this day is that, we are humble people and we should always remain humble. I could say we have lived it.

What hit me hard was this picture that my eldest brother sent me from my village:

I cannot believe that the place that I called home and the place that lives in me has become like this. I had to look at this picture again and again -- closely. The landscape itself looks changed and it is nothing like I remember from my childhood. Our home, t…

Dechen in K2

Dechen was in K2, Kuensel on August 2, where daycare centres and early childhood development was covered. I just thought putting about it here would help me keep record about it.

So bogged down to add anything more at the moment. I can only say that I am a proud mother.

Importing list of contacts at once on iPhone

This is for those who are looking for a way of importing list of contact addresses at once on your iPhone without having to add one at a time. Having joined a new organization, I had to have contact addresses of more than hundred staff and I did not want to tediously type in one by one on my phone. But first you must have this contact list in excel format or in some form of list on your computer.
1. If you have the contact list in the excel format, convert it into csv format 2. Now convert it into VCF format online on this link:
2. Follow the instruction on this link
3. Once you have the output of your contact list on that link in the VCF format, copy and paste it in a notepad
4. Save it with the file extension .vcf
5. Log in on icloud using your login credentials
6. Go to Contacts on the homepage of your iCloud and then go to settings

7. Click on import and choose the vcf file you just created.  You will now have all the new contact addr…