Monday, October 26, 2009

The Addict that I am

It is when I’m sitting with my friends talking that I suddenly think of my pending works. Or it is when I’m about to fall into a good slumber that I think of them. Then I tell myself, “Tomorrow, I will work. Tomorrow, I will ignore my friends even if they ask me how I’m doing.” But the next day I’m in the office, it is the same.

As soon as I log in on my gmail account, I see my friends. Luzee is one person I talk to, no matter how busy I am. And we always have endless things to talk about. So 10 minutes mean an hour. For that reason, I stay invisible most of the time, but like Luzee, if there is anyone who I prefer talking to, I end up wasting the whole day and then, my works remain pending. And so I have to keep trusting my last minute tips of working till bones give way.

Even today, I was determined that I will finish that one work which has been gnawing on me for a few weeks. But Luzee says, ‘oooi’ and there goes one hour of my time. Then comes another person, this person I have chosen to call a friend and there goes two hours of my time. And then, when I minize my window, I find my work glaring at me, as if to say, ‘you good for nothing a***********.’ I’m guilty. But of course, inwardly, I know, I will get this work done before my boss asks me to submit it. It is this feeling that always makes me a last minute worker. But somehow, no matter, how many times I try to tell myself, I cannot change. I think like some things are inborn, this habit cannot be changed.

Despite the frequent curse on my lack of determination and last minute rush, I know I will forever stick on this and look for my last minute rescue. I wonder if I sacrifice on the quality of my work by being a last minute worker. But then, I feel, even if I try to work from the beginning of good time, I wouldn’t do a good job, if my mind isn’t on it. So that saves me from feeling bad that I finish the work I must in 10 days in two.

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