Kuenza's Diary

I believed that I was happy. That there was no reason why I shouldn't be unhappy. But I think I was lying in some ways to myself. I now find that we can never actually be happy. Not in absolute sense. I always felt a little dissatisfied: no matter what I did. I felt like I was always on a search for something and it was getting further away from me. I thought I didn't know what I really wanted to be or what I really wanted to do. Those were moments when I was most unhappy with myself. I would reason that I had everything but I think I always was missing something. I haven't caught hold of it yet but I think I am clearer now about the kind of path I might want to follow. And though, that is not even a work half begun, I know that is a beginning. And I am more deteremined than ever that I will never be anything more but a good human. I need not achieve anything much except little joys from having done something for someone.

Withstanding Life This is the hardest times of my life when my mother was diagnosed brain tumor. She nearly lost her speech. And I was told she never could walk again if she wasn’t treated fast. Life ran so fast after that. And I was only an axle in the wheel of life. I had no control except to rotate with it. I-The News February 12, 2008, Tuesday: The blank white wall stared back at me and the world offered nothing. It closed the door on me. There was nothing that I would want to live for. I had lunch at 4:00 pm. My mother was then moved to the medical ward. She was kept in a corner, bed number 16. My mother wouldn’t eat anything. She lost appetite. She took a bit of milk. My friends who work at the hospital came to see her. We had taken her to the hospital in the morning to do some tests. She was to do Ultra sound the first thing that morning. I made her drink water. She didn’t want to drink so much of water. She told me that she felt like vomiting. But I stil...