Kuenza's Diary

Sunday, 27 th July, 08 I was splashed in tears. Splashed in tears. I was blinded by the earthly need that blinds wisdom. I was unhappy and I wanted to be free. But free of what? I was wishing people responded as I expected. I was craving for him to feel the need as I did. But he saw meaning and joys in different ways. It didn’t matter if we were not together. I wished my love perished and grew in its place a purity that spread joy but didn’t stick on the object. I wished I was a person who took like at my par. Life is becoming difficult as I try to measure its worth with a borrowed unit of other’s ratings. I can’t pretend anymore. I must acknowledge that suffering is life itself; that there is no absolute joy on earth—just that in hoping that there is that joy, we get strength to bear life’s imperfections and we feel we are enjoying. It is all fake and virtual.

Behind the screen we can be our most natural self. I think the computer screen gives us so much comfort that we don’t have to fear of nervousness sinking in our heart and limbs. We don’t have a single shiver of confusion. The words flow so smoothly and in line. I think we are most honest and ourselves online than anywhere else. But we can so easily lie too in this world that people think is virtual. The world that is virtual but inhabited by the same people who inhabit earth in real. I don’t know how they can be different. I don’t know if I can say on the face of a man that I want to kiss him—if I want to. But I think, on the net I can. And this simplicity reduces our hearts to the meek order of giving truth. Words—that is more powerful than feelings—I think it gives our hearts a twist that allows our hearts to carry home a piece of legacy from the day. It gives us so much comfort. It stimulates our minds. And it stimulates our imagination. They are all power of words. But they i...