Monday, August 31, 2009

Life's Lesson

I feel that we have to make certain sacrifices in life and we have to be happy with what we have because no matter where we try to go, there won't be a place or a reason that will keep you perfectly happy forever.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I love you more than I can say

I'm listening to this old song, "I love you more than I can say." I'm already feeling sadness gripping me. I'm alone sitting here, wondering what best to do.

I'm having this tough time where I get irritable and sick; where I get snappy and miserable. But I am not losing my mind completely.

I'm really wondering what I must ask, if I had just one chance to ask God to grant me a wish.

And no matter who says, "I love you more than I can say," I think we cannot just believe it is true. Except that you can trust the person who has first won your heart and trust.

People who are flung into your life after that are those who are there only to test your strength, not really to take you on the path through love.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Instant Reflection

When we feel that we like someone, it is more the fantasy we create about that man that makes us feel that way, not the real person.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Indulging bodies in the water; missing the beloved

Karma, Tshoki and I lay in the water, face up, looking at the sky. I know hundred thoughts ran in our head; but we spoke only few words. The sound of the waves shook our heart—but it only took us further away from ourselves. We rode into an imaginary land of bliss.

Benny sat a little above us. We asked him to join us and enjoy the beauty of nature. At such time, it is as if our mind blends with the phenomena all around it.

Two meters away from us sat a couple. It was dark. We could only see the silhouette of things around. Suddenly we were talking about the couple and wishing that we each had our beloved with us. All our eyes focused on them. Benny missed his wife so much that he had a tough time controlling his emotions. Then the three of us talked about our beloved back home. But I gave that up and went back to the resort. I lay down in the dark under the canopy and dreamed a long beautiful dream. I was alone. I always prefer to be alone when I have to weave a beautiful dream.

I could hear the laughter of my friends, echoing in the night. They were having fun. They laughed out so loud, as much as they missed their beloved. Sometime, we laugh extremely high only to hide our true emotions. They later told me that they made a plan to roll over towards the couple. Benny made a plan of even sneaking over their window…which was more a joke though.

The guys got so curious that, at midnight again, they went to the beach and talked to this couple. Some of us even had the wildest imagination of the possibility of them making love in the ocean. We found that it was the girl’s birthday the next day. So they prepared a bonfire on the beach and had a wonderful night. I saw them the next morning at the beach again. I didn’t envy them so much now…they were there just as a normal visitor like my friends and me. The pain we bore the other night probably wasn’t all that worthy after all. Why ache for someone who isn’t near? But the emotions blanketed the reality. It was fun though—to draw images of love in our mind in the dark silent night.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ms. Kuenzang, how was the sunset?


Earlier, we sat under a canopy and talked of GNH and jobs. Tshoki told Jom that I am more interested in writing; she said I have landed on the wrong job.


Tshoki: “She will be contributing more if she becomes a reporter; she is interested in writing.”


Me: “No, come on. I can actually imagine the job of a reporter. It would be tiring having to interview so many people for a single news.”


I add, “I write stories and I enjoy writing but I know it will never actually happen.”


Jom: “Why not? You know, it is only you who is stopping yourself. You can make things happen.”


Then Tshoki adds, “She wants to watch the sun set.” But who doesn’t? I have always enjoyed watching the sky glow in majestic color of orange as if the ink is spreading on a sponge. It doesn’t last long but even the briefest joy you get watching it is worth an hour of meditation.


I did take a solitary walk along the beach as the sun started setting. But I was quickly caught by my friend Karma Yangden. We walk, take a few pictures and talk a little. I’m mostly talking to myself, so we didn’t converse much.


I lay down flat on the beach. I listened to the sound of waves, closed my eyes; opened it and watched the sun set—the majestic orange spread over the western horizon. There was no specific thought. At such moment every single sound settles down and you are engulfed in a silence that envelops you in the tranquility that transforms you into the furthest possibility of being enlightened.


I walked back. Then Tshoki came. She wanted to experience the peace of the evening by lying on the beach. So we all joined. What happened next will be completely a different set of story. ( I will try to bring in as soon as possible.)


Author’s note: Later all my friends got a little drunk. Jom kept asking me, “Ms. Kuenzang, how was your sun set?” It became a kind of a trademark.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

New Friends [at] the Shore

My friends and I went to bed only around one in the morning. We would have to wake up early the next morning. We were going to the beach; we would be spending a night there. Excitement climbed up our head already and each of us had a picture of the beach in our mind.


Though we slept late, we had no problem getting up. I could hardly open my eyes; it stung but the excitement of being at the beach kept it open. Though it was very early, we had no problem eating breakfast too. Though the appetite seemed a little far away, once we started, we all had our fill.


Benny, the person who would be going with us—who would also be driving the van told us that our training coordinator, Jom (He wants me to call him Mr. Jom, but since he looks a kid to me, and he is also a friend, I will only call him Jom—no offence dear) would be joining us too. He got to the institute a little late. And there was a surprise: we were to be accompanied by another two guys: the two sweet brothers who are as much friends as brothers. At seven a.m., the van geared into life and we zoomed off.



[From left: Alec, Tshoki, Ian, Karma Wangdi & Karma Yangden]


It was a Saturday but the traffic wasn’t light as I expected. I got sick because the vehicle kept moving backwards each time Benny pushed the brake. I slept most of the time and when I nearly puked we reached our destination.

Tshoki got so disappointed to see that the beach wasn’t as she expected. But she was to be proven wrong. No fun could have been more fun. No trip could have been this enjoyable.




Benny


We thought our friends were the shy type of guys. They barely said a word. The two brothers slept the entire journey; they slept as soon as we reached the beach. We saw them only at six in the evening. Jom swam a bit and he disappeared too. Tshoki wanted to chill herself. The San Miguel became her company. She wished it had more alcohol content. But at last, when it was midnight, our friends started talking more than we would have imagined possible. The guys grew braver; they seemed mature beyond their age though one of them is only 19, and the oldest is 23. When we had drunk more than 30 bottles of beer, had debated on many things on earth, we called it a night.


This is the general fun part—finding friends in these young staff of Paibare. I will recount my sensitive, personal side of the story tomorrow when my tiredness has bid me goodbye, when I have slept eight hours of free sleep.





The Three Friends we met [From left: Alec, Ian and Jom]